Everyday Is Thirstday

–just a rusty toothy trap
I’ve gnawed off all my limbs
To escape past days;
Now it’s got me by the throat.

Sponsors say,
“Don’t forget to bray yr prayers:”
Grant me the Asininity
To excerpt the change I cannot stand
Cowardice to fear my fellow man,
& Anxiety to excuse the falling short.

Thus sprecks 
The Piece of Shit at the Center of the Universe
Catching glimpses of Itself
In the mirrors that were broken
Last Thirstday in Ordinary Time
When It I He We did swear Day One
For the umpteenth tithe
Offering his body upon the altar
Anything that might alter 
This patter repetition pure palaver
From the same old same old
Day dawning on the Day Before.

The only way to keep going
Is to go thru Hell
Unkink the Slinky
In the shortest distance betwixt two points
A lifeline outta downward spiral
Remove the manhole cover
Upward unto a street I’ve never seen before
Be it Easy Street or Sunnyside
Finnegan begins again
For the very first birth.

I’m conflicted. Do I merely run out the clock the way my father has chosen to do, keep going through the same rote motions, tomorrow and tomorrow and, which might as well be yesterday? Ask the world what it expects of me when this angst & addiction are genetic, the only things I ever inherited from the old man?

Or do I turn my face to a new day, a new way of going about this living business? Some way that hasn’t been done before, at least not by me and certainly not by the hundreds on hundreds of also-ran Nobdies who trail back behind me receding into the past like some sad, cemented soupline, accepting their sorry lot as if it were written in stone?

Here on the far side of fifty, isn’t it high time to put away such childish things as hopes and dreams and blind belief in the ultimate goodness of man and fool faith that the reason for this whole trainwreck dumpsterfire will someday be revealed?

Or do I reason that I’ve come this far and fought this long to defend my inner child, why bother growing up now? The so-called adults in my life don’t seem to be any happier or that much more fulfilled. That deadness in their doll eyes isn’t exactly an advertisement for maturity. No, I suppose I’ll keep on keeping on with this stupid Beginner Mindset, which at first flush seems like the same way I faced yesterday, whilst at the same time I’m poised for change, should it ever rear its rumored head.